Moroccan Tech Support

The internet is NOT working here more often than it IS working. School has proven the only reliable network. Because of the 4 hour time difference from here to New York, I am often logging on to Skype late at night. Fortunately for me, there's a cyber-cafe next to my house that is usually open late.

Last night, I had a moment of shock as I walked into the Cyber. The man at the counter said "broken. broken." It was indeed broken. The computers were all in a pile in the middle of the floor. Desks had been smashed to rubble. The glass windows of the cabinets had been broken and shards were splashed around the room. All three men who work there were milling around looking busy - a rarity! I picked up my jaw and asked what happened. "Broken. Re-decorating." The man at the counter said. ...I guess... But they shushed me out the door and told me to check back another day.

I still had about 15 minutes before meeting Steve online, so I wandered off in search of another internet cafe. I'm going to be really honest here, and admit that, since I thought I was only going next door (the internet cafe really barely counts as leaving my house) I had gone down in my slippers. Not Moroccan slippers. Bedroom slippers. Fuzzy ones. With leopard spots. Just make sure that's a part of your mental image of this whole adventure.

I found another cafe (about 2 blocks of slipper-walking later), but they were just closing for the night. The man informed me that I was out of luck, because this was the only internet cafe in the city. "I just came from one over there," I told him. "No," he said firmly, "there isn't one over there." ...yes. "No, one over there doesn't exist." He must've thought I was a tourist and hoped I come back to his shop the next day (or maybe he noticed my feet). I told him I lived over there. Well, he said, then you know that there aren't any other internet cafes over there. Sometimes you have to choose your battles, and my battle was to see Steve in about 5 minutes. I left.

I found another Cyber about a block away. Here's when the story really gets funny. It was a big cyber, spacious, looked quality. I greeted the man at the desk and he showed me to a computer. When I turned it on, it displayed an error message in French about the key board being disconnected. 'Oh, let me get that,' says the man. He reaches in front of me... and starts hitting the keyboard, smacking each key with terrible fury!!! Maybe he thought he could SCARE the computer into working for him. Big surprise, it doesn't work. He keeps hitting it, while I read the error message, walk around the machine, and plug in the keyboard. The man is satisfied when it starts working again, because he had hit it and fixed it.

The computer boots up, but the mouse doesn't work. I'm happy to troubleshoot my own problems, but the man is still standing there, and he picks up the mouse. He taps it a few times, a reasonable gesture. Then he takes the mouse in his hand and starts whacking it into the computer screen!!! I have to act fast before he breaks it! I race to the back of the computer and plug in the mouse.

The computer appears to be working, but it's yellow. It's the standard windows desktop, in all shades of yellow (which is surprisingly stressing). I push the button at the bottom to adjust the colors and start fiddling with the settings, but the man comes over and, with no warning, smacks my monitor! He grins at me, makes a fist, and starts jabbing the monitor. "Gently!" I say. "Don't break it!" He looks surprised, and laughs hysterically! He looks back at my yellow monitor, winds up his right fist, and all-out PUNCHES the screen dead center!!!

I expect him to put his fist through it. But instead, the second his fist shakes that monitor, the colours snap back to normal! Shows what I know.

I'll end my story there. Lather, rinse, repeat with the microphone, the webcam, and then the Skype program itself. At least I was comfy in my slippers. When I finally did get to talk to Steve, it was the sweetest victory of my week.

Which is just what it should be.